You just made me feel so damn special
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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