Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
