ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
