please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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