If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I need a beard to bite.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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