do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
