im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
