What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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