I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
