new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
