I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
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I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
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The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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