Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
