also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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