I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
