the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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