You just made me feel so damn special
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
