I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
