real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
