She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
