my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
