But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
