I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize