There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
