Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
