I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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