No awkward lesbian experiences without me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
