worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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