smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
