Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Randomize
