I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
