I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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