...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
