and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
