Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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