His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
