def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
