when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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