Someone shit on the floor
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
