Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
