That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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