first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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