she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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