Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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