dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
