I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
