just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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