She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
