We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
