Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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