Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
