Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
