Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
