The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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