Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
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We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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