I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
