Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I stole a fireplace last night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
