dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
